Promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep

change

2007-10-20T10:36:00.001-05:00

Dear friends and neighbors,

I have changed my blog address again. It has been about a year here,
it has been good while it lasted but alas the magic is gone

come find me here

http://ajdele.wordpress.com/

its the same blog with a fesh new look!

Prophets

2007-10-17T17:03:00.000-05:00

I am reading Richard Coggins, "Introducing the Old Testament" for a
class right now. He does a general overview of the Hebrew Bible and
looks at the text from angles of relevant "hard" sciences and then
spends a couple chapters in talking about more subjective concerns
like what religious forms have contributed to and resulted from it
and different ways in which it has been read.

One thing that has stood out to me about his review is how often the
Hebrew Bible and the culture that it represents is described as not
being different than the culture of its neighbors in almost every
respect. I would have to cut and paste most of his book in order to
give a good idea of what that means. Suffice it so say that it is
the one way that Israel seems to stand out that is really interesting
to me. Prophets. There does not seem to be a comparable role in
other ANE religions. He says that the role of the person called a
prophet may be different than what we commonly consider a prophet to
be. What he believes that is meant by the word translated prophet is
never really spelled out. I think it is safe to say that this role
was someone who spoke for God.

I was surprised that Israel was the only people that seemed to have
had these people. I wonder if it is somewhat comparable to what we
might consider a mystic to be. Upon further consideration I think
that it is striking that all three Abrahamic religions recognize the
prophet as someone that God specifically speaks through.

What does that say then about the responsibility of the Christian
church? If one of our distinctive aspects is that we have people
through whom God speaks, or considered broadly, we are a people
through whom God speaks should that not be ... important? It doesn't
seem like it. Where is the prophetic message? The Church as a whole
has failed to make a single statement, or maybe that is the problem,
there have been thousands and thousands of single statements, all of
them adding up to white noise.

what is should the church be saying then? you're gonna have to read
my archives....

What is a photoblog?

2007-10-10T15:33:00.001-05:00

I think I am giving up on making a photoblog. I had hoped that I would be able to do all posts from my flickr account and make comments about my pictures and what I was intending to do when I took the picture and what it means to me and so on and so forth ... but I dont think that deeply about my photography.

Maybe that is part of the problem with going deeper in it and getting better. I have felt the desire to become a "better" photographer for a while now. Taking pictures for school has helped that in some regard. Here I have the opportunity to use equipment much more expensive than I will ever be able to afford on my own. That has been great. I was used to doing what I could with what I had and that was not much.

I feel like I need focus to really push myself, a project or idea that I can puruse. I will keep my eyes open.

But in the meantime I want to make more posts...so so much for the photoblog

Borrowed Hardware

2007-10-07T09:33:00.001-05:00

09.29.07_KAMvisit_028
Originally uploaded by ajdele

In other news I have migrated all of my photo processing to the computer that I use at work/school. Translation: I am the photographer for McCormick as well as going to school there. They have a very nice PC workstation with very large calibrated monitor, endless (relatively) disk space, dual processors and much nicer software than I have. by the way, I love Adobe Lightoom. The only downfall is that it is not multi-user capable, which is a problem that we are starting to run into. On that front it really needs a free client reader program that can access the catalog, view adjustments and do basic exports. as it is I have to do all the accessing of things because others who need to get at those images cant be bothered (rightfully) to learn the program and get the images the right way. I dont really mind that but it is very dependent upon me being there, which will change when I graduate.

Anyway, I am using this machine to do all my processing now. I now shoot everything in RAW which my laptop did not have the capability to really work with. I have been feeling that I have this great opportunity before me with all this great equipment (that I do not think I will ever be able to afford) at my disposal. when I leave McCormick I feel like I will have to buy a new computer with at least the power to rock out RAW files more effectively.

This was taken at KAM Isaiah Synagogue down the street from me. This was a side chapel, check the flickr stream for pics of the main sanctuary. It was really a beautiful building. This room in particular, the lighting was very...striking. The yellow light is a skylight through yellow glass, the white lights are halogen or incandescnets. The curious thing is that when you are there you think the white lights are daylight and the yellow light is some kind of strange powered variety. Had to be shot in RAW, my D70 had absolutly no idea what to do with it. It gives an impression of the conflicting light colors.

Its hard to get at what the overall impression is. I guess it really felt that I was in a very special place. I really like when natural light is included in worship spaces, especially in a skylight. Windows, with light coming in from the sides, lets you see what is on the other side and for me is a connection with the other world. It makes the context of the worship service/study/whatever in the "real world" with trees and cars and bulidings and such. This chapel at KAM didnt have any windows directly visible but brought soft diffuse (yellow, dont know how I feel about the color) light down from the sky. very nice.

Blogs

2007-10-07T08:47:00.000-05:00

I have had several new friends blogs appear in the past few weeks.

My sister is traveling in Argentina right now. She and her boyfriend are doing a 2.5(?) month travel study program. She knows a lot of Spanish and he seems to be going in pretty fresh to it. I am sure they will both be rocked by it at one point or another. I have wanted to do something like this for a while now. I really feel that Spanish proficiency will be a big help to me know and in the future. And I will be able to talk to Spanish speakers, in Spanish, thats cool. maybe someday. maybe in the time between when Julie and shake our Chicago bonds and and when we reenter bondage. anyway, check out the adventures of Amy and Nick here:

http://www.nickcb.com/arg/

My friend Emily also is doing the travelblog thing. She is in Lebanon right now and for the semester. I can't recall the school that she is at but is the same program that my friend Katie was going to do last year before the country was ravaged by Israel. She is right here:

http://emilythepemily.blogspot.com/

Tanya has also started a blog, though I dont have that link right now. She is taking a public theology class this semester that requires her to be a public theologian and put some theology where the public can see it. As soon as I get that link I plan on harrasing her with all manner of irreverent comments and questions. mwahaha! I suggest that anyone who reads here do the same, once I get the link.

Back to school

2007-09-17T10:59:00.001-05:00

08.30.07_LauraMikeWedding_107
Originally uploaded by ajdele

It has been a while since my last post. I am going to guess about a month. The last month has been a little bit of a whirlwind. It is the second week of school right now. Classes are going pretty well, I am satisfied with everything I am taking. I always feel like those kind of decisions (what classes to take) are the biggest most important decisions ever that will forever change the direction of my life, forever. It is what I will be doing with myself for the next couple months and a I dont want to choose that in a flash but really not all that big a deal.

The big stressor has been getting everything set up. Our apartment, jobs, mostly health insurance. I hate the insurance industry. We were denied coverage by one company and they refused to tell me the reason. I could have killed every one. I think we are good now but I wont be covered until the end of the month which is not very good but was the best we could work out.

In other news, Dave/Tanya have some big news that I dont want to blog about because it is the kind of thing you should tell people personally. so if you know, yay! If you dont drop either of us a line.

Two Thirds!

2007-08-08T17:26:00.001-05:00

06.27.07_Greece2_419
Originally uploaded by ajdele

Two thirds of the Greece pictures are now up and online!

Dave and Tanya are coming today, I hope, gotta go!

Ready, aim, fire!

2007-07-30T22:16:00.001-05:00

Ready, aim, fire!
Originally uploaded by ajdele

I am up at Westminster again for a week. Coming for the wedding was not really enough and was not the full camp feeling. Its really not the same without kids here. So we are up again, just for the week. This is the week where churches from Northville and Ann Arbor come and take over the whole camp. This has been an annual thing for as many seasons as I have been coming here. I have not worked the rest of the season and come up just to work this camp twice now. That has not been on purpose either, it just worked out that way.

I figured that this would be a good thing to do as I am considering really trying to pursue the education and camp thing. The term for that that sounds more like an area of study or career is "experiential education." I really love it. All of the things I have really enjoyed doing in the past couple years have been surrounding camp. I think I wrote this pursuit off in the past for a couple reasons. I think I thought, "who doesnt love camp?" and so my really wanting to run trips at camp forever was just silly. I dont think this assumption was correct. This kind of life is not for everyone.

I am sleeping in a tent this week and loving it.

Finnally more pictures

2007-07-26T14:09:00.001-05:00

06.27.07_Greece1_054
Originally uploaded by ajdele

I got through the first third of my pictures from Greece. These are the good ones and just about all that I am going to put up from the first pile of pictures. whew!

So now Julie and I are going to camp next week and then Greek teaching starts up. So it may be a bit of time before another large group is up. I promise I will have them all up before it gets cold though.

Tuition Granted

2007-07-21T10:49:00.001-05:00

06.27.07 Greece1 101
Originally uploaded by ajdele

I found out yesterday that I am getting a scholarship for my first year at McCormick. A letter was in my Chicago mailbox, for some reason it (and a bunch of other random things) was not forwarded. I was really shocked and surprised. I was under the impression that all the money had already been doled out and I was on my own. I had actually just emailed the fin aid office about getting a loan. We are both really grateful to the school. It changes things for us in a major way to not have to take out a loan. I was thinking that we would be going into debt to pay for my school and was not feeling good about that. It really means a lot to me that someone believes in me enough to put a bunch of money behind me.

Another picture of Greece for the kids, man it was beautiful there!

Back in Chicago

2007-07-18T09:42:00.001-05:00

06.27.07 Greece1 094
Originally uploaded by ajdele

We are back in Chicago now. Responsibility has not quite set in yet. We are still lounging about and not doing too much. In fact all the responsibility we could manage was to pay some bills and deposit all the money we got for wedding presents.

Our new apartment is not ready for us. We are hoping to move in next week but have not heard back from the apartment management. It is school housing so we are not that worried. But my old apartment (where all our stuff is living) is bursting at the seams and I really want to get everything out of it.

Julie is applying for church jobs. She had an interview last night. It seemed to go well. The process for getting hired in the presbyterian church is lengthly. A lot of committee meetings and approvals from different groups.

Here is another picture from Greece.

Nightime over the bay

2007-07-10T15:10:00.001-05:00

Nightime over the bay
Originally uploaded by ajdele

I stayed out late making these pictures. Sundown was about 9:30 and I think I stayed out till 10:15. This was a thirty second exposure over the water. It was mildly wavey which turned into calm looking water over thirty seconds. I was taking a lot of these and got excited when I saw a car was passing, the light trails from the tail lights turned out well.

Right now Julie and I are in Cleveland with her family. We are both ready to be back in Chicago again and to start arranging our life there. She says she is feeling irresponsible. I always feel that way when I stay at my parents' place. We have been on the road in one way or another for the past month and a half. We probably wont be in our own place until the end of July. I just spoke the the housing director that is hopefully setting us up and he needs another form to be turned in. Sigh. It will feel great to get that squared away.

Greece Pictures are going up

2007-07-05T22:50:00.001-05:00

06.27.07 Greece1 208
Originally uploaded by ajdele

I have been trying to work on pictures every day. My computer has been having a hard time working with the big pictures. It takes a couple of seconds every time I open a picture, that ends up being a significant amount of time with 2000 pictures. There is some good stuff in there though. I am excited to get back to school and make some prints.

I am about to get married

2007-07-02T08:52:00.001-05:00

I am about to get married
Originally uploaded by ajdele

Ok so this title should be in the past tense. Computer, Nalgene, suit...read to go.

I've started putting some pictures up of the preparation, wedding, honeymoon. So many pictures. I have about 2000 between my camera and the pro-photog, and probably close to 3000 from Greece. It might as well be a million, I have not even seen them all yet. I'm not going to touch the photog's pictures until I get back to Chicago. Hopefully I can get some Greece pictures up soon though.

Look at

http://www.flickr.com/photos/adamatwork/collections/72157600595342055/

for more pictures

Back in Chicago

2007-06-27T17:55:00.000-05:00

Back in Chicago now. Man what a long day yesterday was. We ended up, via many trials and tribulations, getting back into Hyde Park at around 1:30 am. Which was essentially 9:30 am for us, roughly 26 hours after we got up the previous morning. Flying is always an adventure.

There is a lot to do here and many decisions that need to be made. Chief of which is housing for the next year. It is expensive living in Hyde Park.

Oh man, I feel jetlag setting in....may have to go take a quick nap or something. Or at least stop trying to write.

Last day in Athens

2007-06-25T04:35:00.000-05:00

Today is our last day in Greece. We are both ready to get back to the rest of the world. We have tried to stay isolated but it is hard to stop the thoughts and talking about jobs, apartments, wedding presents, money, bills and all the other concerns that await us on near the other side of the world.

I really like Greece, especially the south. By far the best food we have found has all been in the south. I will also miss the pace here. We have gotten into a routine of doing most things in the morning, late lunch, nap during the hot part of the day, cafe, more activity then late dinner. That seems to be the way things are done here, if you have the ability to do it. Most shops close down from about 2 till 5 (give or take) for nap time.

Right now we are in Athens. Our flight is tomorrow morning at 11:30 am. We fly to Philly, arriving 11 hours later at 3:30 pm. Just try to do the math on that one. Our evening activity is seeing the museum of ancient archeology, it is supposed to be the best museum in the country. Then a reasonable dinner somewhere. I never thought I would say this but i think I have had enough feta cheese.

Meteora

2007-06-21T11:37:00.001-05:00

It has been more than a week since my last post. We have left Neapoli behind for adventures in the rest of the country. We have found that Neapoli and the Pelopennese in general is different than the rest of Greece. They are not as tourist focused as we have found elsewhere. Athens was pretty intense. The Plaka area is where people go to buy old word gifts and eat traditional food (read: where people go to buy shit and eat overpriced food that is labeled "traditional"). Greek salads have lettuce up here, this is very strange. A real Greek salad is really something else, nothing like what you find in a Coney Island or Panera. I think we have had one a day, almost every time we eat out.

Today we hiked to the top of Meteora. I encourage you to look up pictures. Those pinacles of rock, we pretty much walked from the bottom to the top. Arriving only to find hordes of tourists in chartered busses. Thats ok, I cant imagine they enjoyed the view as much as we did, having earned it. We were dead tired and took the bus down though. There are several active monestaries on the top. the nuns/monks are kind enough to let people visit for a small fee. I was suprised to see some young people among the cloistered. I had always pictured mostly matrons as nuns. I wonder how often they get off their rocks and see the rest of the world. We joked last night as we ate ice cream in the main square of town that they were up there praying for our souls because of our sinfull indulgences, like ice cream. By the way, Greece has some kick ass ice cream. Those of you who know how much I like ice cream will take this seriously; I may have had the best ice cream ever here. They have really good cheese here too: within the EU, any cheese that is called feta has to have been produced in Greece.

Tomorrow we will take busses to Delphi for the last of the ancient sites we will visit. I expect to consult the oracle regarding my future education and vocation. After that back to Athens for more museums, a little shopping and hopefully some good food before our flight out.

It is hard to believe the our time here is almost up. It has been quite a trip, and there is still more to come. Good news though, Julie and I still like each other. Though there have been moments of tension, mostly over whih way to go. We both like maps and can read one better than the other. We both run out of energy at times and need to be led around by hand to food/bed/bathroom, whatever. Fortunatly we have not both run out at the same time. We would probably be found in a corner confused and hungry, unable to make a decsion about which way to go.

I hope to blog again soon with a little more reflection. Reflection is hard in this "cafe" though. Between the sound of kids playing LAN games and cigarette smoke (yes, those two go together) I can hardly think.

Taking a break from the sea....

2007-06-11T06:39:00.000-05:00

I am in Greece right now. It has been a week since we arrived and I am just now getting to internet. We are staying in a small town on the Western coast of the southernmost tip of the Pelopenese peninsula. Neapolis, Lakonia. The house is amazing, the weather has been pretty good compared to what we are used to in Chicago.

There is a lot I could reflect on but maybe it is just good to let people know I am still around. Maybe a brief summary....

Our flight was a long 9.5 hours but not as long as it seemed that it should be. It seemed as if we had just had a really long night: we landed at 2:00 am our time, 8:00 am Greek time. So we essentially skipped a night. It was too exciting to sleep in the drive in. We met our first driver, a cabbie whose name I never really got, at the airport. He took us to a gas station where we met George who took us 4.5 hours south to Neapoli. The cabbie drove our rental down. Coincidentally Joe had rented us a new red VW Polo. It is a class smaller than my car and a bit more stripped down but the buttons are all in the same places which was nice, something familiar. The drive down was really long, Julie and I both drifting in and out of sleep. For the first time I can remember I was a little carsick toward the end of it. Driving in Greece is very interesting. I wish I could say more...the best I can figure, Greeks dont like to drive and do it as quickly as possible so as to get it over, so that they can go back to relaxing at tavernas, cafes and other such places of hanging out and relaxation.

I dont exactly remember what happened when we made it to the house, I think my memory had shut down with lack of sleep and amazement at the enormous house we were staying in for the next two weeks. I took a lot of pictures which will make it to Flickr someday.

Well ok, so much for a brief summary of our travels. There is more since then but time is up right now. More will follow when I can get some internet again.

Toothbrushes Together

2007-05-25T09:08:00.001-05:00

Toothbrushes Together
Originally uploaded by ajdele

Right now I am sitting in the middle of Julie's apartment and it is mostly empty. It is strange when I think about it, to see this place in the final stages of moving out. Consequently my place is where all of the stuff is moving to. If you have ever seen my place you will know that does not leave much room for people. Well ok, absolutly no room for people. I am worried that we will get it all inside the door.

I was thinking this moring that I would love it if it could just be next sunday. At that point we will be on our way to the hotel by O'Hare and about to fly out to Greece the next morning. That will be great. We have both been looking forward to this trip for the past couple months. Almost to the point of looking past our wedding. Thats not really possible of course.

Back to moving...I really think its great that we are doing this together, that I get to help Julie move her life into mine...or literally her apartment into mine. We are rushing so much that we haven't stopped to appreciate it.

We were going to camp tonight but Julie isn't feeling well and the weather does not look like the most pleasant. It may not be the best for us to be out in the elements. I think we can crash with my sister or Julie's cousin in Grand Rapids. We need to spend some time together reconnecting before the Wedding Marathon next week.

Yellow Tide

2007-05-14T08:29:00.001-05:00

Yellow Tide
Originally uploaded by ajdele.

I think a lot of people are starting to realize that we can't ignore the rest of the world anymore. For years it seems that we have consumed and consumed and consumed with little regard for the rest of the world. I know that this was the mindset that I grew up with. I bought and threw away and it didnt matter. Trash went away and new shiny things came to me. We never wondered where the trash was going on where the shiny things were coming from. Or we saw the industrial areas and thought that was the entire origin of the shiny things and felt it was ok. An ugly industrial area and some atmospheric polution was a fair trade for the right to purchase and use a universal remote control for all your entertainment needs. Or we saw Mt. Trashmore, a landfill where trash was dumped with dirt so that it made a decent sized hill and transformed into a ski slope in the winter.

We assumed that what we could see was the whole story and felt ok with it. What we were not aware of was the vast fields of technological waste shipped to Asia. We didnt know that our industrial areas were just shipping and distribution centers, production took place in other places with more lenient enforcement of labor and environmental standards.

I guess what I'm getting at is that now I am convinced, more than ever, that our actions, practices and lifestyle in the United States has a huge impact on the rest of the world. I would imagine, much more so than most other countries. As the epicenter of empire our consumer trends dictate the opportunities (or lack thereof) for the rest of the world. Our choices echo out into the rest of the world to such an extent that each one of us is responsible to a small degree for their condition and circumstances.

This has been true and building for a long time. As the web of empire was spread all over, we have been increasingly bound to people in distant places. Empire is not propagated though colonies as in the past but more in the creation of roads (like Rome) for money. Money has become the instrument of control. Rome used military power and the levereage of citizenship, today it is money. The military is still a very important part of the equation but the motive of its use has changed. The military is used to ensure the free-flow of money. Where trade agreements, IMF, the World Bank and other such organizations fail military force is available.

I am begining to see that the war in Iraq was not strictly about oil. They were trying to dicatate terms to emipre. Iraq wanted to set their own rules and in so doing impede the flow of money.

I guess this may not make much sense if you are not me and in my head. Metaphor: the monetary flow is a river that cycles throughout the world, there are centers of capital that the river flows in and out of. Money may flow to impoverished nations in many forms but it only goes out so that it may come back to its origin a little richer. In the course of the flow, communities and individuals are spent and eroded, turned into inhuman units of production, and taken back to the source in the form of a little more money. It is important to note that the United States does not equate emipire. It is where a lot of imperial business takes place, so is Europe, Canada, China. Empire is a system of contol, not a nation or people as we commonly consider them.

McCormick Front Door

2007-05-07T09:45:00.001-05:00

McCormick Front Door
Originally uploaded by ajdele.

I think most people know by now, I am planning on going to McCormick in the fall. I will be in the Master of Arts in Theological Studies (MATS) program. This is not the M.Div, which is a bit more practical and restrictive degree, it is also not ordination seeking. Many have asked, accordingly, what is it good for? The best answer I can give to that is that it will get me further down the road to teachig theology at a university. I guess that is still the end, I really still see myself in a teaching role in the future. Hmm...

Thinking about it now, I see teaching as the neccesary telos of any career or life path. This would apply to social work, business, engineering, pastoring .... in my estimation each of these has to end with the passing on of life, wisdom and knowledge that has been accumulated. Really it is wisdom that I would like to pass on. I picture myself after years of woking for the good of the world taking a role that seeks to pass on the wisdom that I have gained to another to other's who have felt the same call to action that I have.

I see this as a very high calling. It is not just the communication or gaining of education but primarily wisdom. I think that is why I felt, while at Lee, that I wanted to teach but not until I had a lot of experience elseware. I do not mean to say that thos profs or educators who have been in the academy all their lives have nothing or little or less to offer. Its just not how I want to do my thing.

So back to the present...how I want to do my thing is an evolving and ever-chaning notion. I do not really know what my thing is and have been working to try to figure it out. Right now I think it means that I go to school in the fall to find out what is there for me. At the same time I am open to other possibilites. I told a friend yesterday that going to Lee felt like a revelation, going to McCormick just feels like the next thing I am going to do.

Flickr updates

2007-05-07T08:07:00.000-05:00

Been playing with my flickr front page today. Layout has changed again. I really like having the larger pictures in front. Really wish they could all display that way. There is a lot of detail in most images that just doesnt come across in a thumbnail type picture. anyway, check it out, there is some good stuff up front right now.

I also have sets displaying on the right and have changed the order and added two new ones. One is auto-updating based on "interestingness." In case you aren't familiar with "interestingness" it is a value that flickr generates based on how many times an image is viewed, who views it, comments, favorite counts, the position of the moon, how many groups it is in, and some other things as well I'm sure. So this set takes the 36 most interesting pictures and puts them in a set every day. Hopefully this will change as I become a better flickrer and maybe a better photographer.

The other set if of friends of mine. It auto gatherers the 36 most recent pictures with the "friends" tag and puts them in a set.

Also made changes to portfolio ... I might change the name on that set, it really isnt a portfolio.

And I've been drinking coffee, can you tell?

Apple getting greener

2007-05-02T19:34:00.000-05:00

Every once in a while there is some encouraging news that leads me to believe that not everyone with power is evil. Greenpeace had been running a campaign to get Apple to green up a bit. Today Steve Jobs announced that they were going to do just that. Its not as good as we were all hoping for but still great. To me this represents a real commitment on the part of the company to their customers and maybe even to the world that we all share. I actually wrote to Steve Jobs through Greenpeace's website, it was an automated message but I erased that and sent my own message. I am personally encouraged by that and it makes me think that maybe, just maybe those things actually are read by someone. Maybe one letter can make a difference.

http://www.greenpeace.org/international/news/tasty-apple-news-020507

Transition Time

2007-05-01T19:54:00.001-05:00

04.27.07_FeastOfFools_239
Originally uploaded by ajdele.

The time of transition has finally come. Julie is done with schoolwork now. Soon she will run the marathon and then be done with CPE. This means that its time to move...everything...into my apartment. Right now she is packing some of her copious amount of books into boxes for transport this weekend. We a planning session with the pastor that is doing our wedding this weekend as well. Katie and Jenn are moving too. There is some static in the air, it is a strange feeling, a mix of change, uncertainty, trepidation, and opportunity. Thats quite a combination.

For me this is particularly strange. Things have been changing for a while, this is about to be accelerated. Or, rather, many of the changes that we have been anticipating for the past months are going to occur within the span of the summer. As soon as we leave Chicago we are effectively homeless for the next couple months. We are planning on spending time with both of our families, maybe go to camp for a bit, maybe go see Dave and Leigh in NC. Maybe see our honeymoon benefactors in Sacramento.

I have lived this life on the road for several months a while ago. It was fun, adventurous, lonely. I dont know how it will work having another person with me to make decisions and take up the passenger seat in the car. Maybe even drive sometime! There is no one I would want to do it more than Julie. This does not mean, howerver, that I expect the whole thing to go over 100% smoothly. She has traveled though, she knows that your life is never entirely in your own hands when you are on the road.

Important Call

2007-04-16T09:12:00.001-05:00

Important Call
Originally uploaded by ajdele.

Julie on the phone. I like the silouette effect here and thought the tones would be great for b/w. I find that I always have to take pictures of Julie from the back or side. I would love to photo her face but she always gives me these awkward looks like she has no idea what I am doing and why would I ever want to take a picture of her and why did I spend so much money on a fancy camera anyway? I have been able to get some natural looking images of her but they are ussually when I am in the frame as well, this is a tad difficult if I am taking the pictures. Maybe someday she will get used to the camera or I will be a good enough portrait photographer to be able to get her to relax.

Today was not a very good day

2007-04-12T20:28:00.000-05:00

I have had a rough day on the family front. My Grandma passed away last weekend, the funeral was today. It was a nice funeral. After it we found out that my uncle (dad's younger brother) had died of a heart attack that morning. We were all very shocked.

I am doing alright with things I suppose. Its hard to say really. My grandma and aunt were really torn up and that was hard to see. I would appreciate your prayers and positive thoughts for my family.

Wedding in Progress

2007-04-05T06:40:00.000-05:00

It is now less than two months till go time. I feel good about that I think. Well I definitly feel good about getting married, as a matter of fact I am really tired of waiting and waiting for the day to come. Its a lot of little and not so little things that make it a pain in the butt to not be married. For instance; I am over at her place just about every evening and night and that means that every night I have to make the trek back to my place. Its also knowing that where I am living now is temporary so no reason to clean or make it a nice lived in apartment, it is fine the way it is, a little cluttered and not very inviting. Plus I love Julie and am really looking forward to living with her.

What I think I feel good about is all the planning. It seems that all the big pieces are in place. Some parts are going to fall through the cracks and only be seen on the day before the wedding. I know that this is inevitable. I've talked with our caterer now and she is all good, we have invitations and need to address them, we a photographer, we have someone to marry us. And of course we have our location, I am looking forward to being at camp again.

It really wont be the same without kids and camp things happening there but just the grounds and location require an annual pilgrimage. Those of you who are coming to our wedding will see that it is a beautiful place but you wont see the life that exists there when camp is in full swing.

Anyway I wanted to let people know how wedding preparations were coming .... its coming, Slowly, as in day by day. And I feel it building.

There is no Spoon

2007-04-02T23:04:00.000-05:00

I have been thinking a lot about race lately. I have been inspired by what I have heard from people like Michael Eric Dyson and Tim Wise and dismayed by others who want to blame and raise one demographic above the others.

Tonight it struck me that the very idea of a racial norm is an painfully obviously artificial construct yet it is the foundation that US (maybe Western) culture is based on. If you can see it, it is plain as day. The voice of white culture speaks with the authority of speaking for all people. It is the voice of a collective, countless people speaking together. And as a white male I hear my own voice speaking with it as well. I hear this collective voice and assume that since there are so many and its so loud, that is must represent the voice of everyone. And so when the voice of a non-white people group stands out it can be respected as such but there is still the understanding that the collective voice is true for that people as well. you see the collective voice speaks for everyone whether they like it or not.

The collective voice is like the voice of the wizard of OZ, it tells us all not to pay any attention to the man behind the curtain. Was it a coincidence that the Wizard of OZ was a white male? It makes the point perfectly; never mind that the voice speaking for everyone always has (in the history of our country) and always will speak for everyone. It always will...unless you can realize the truth. The voice of the heterosexual white male speaks with authority based on one simple predication that we have all subscribed to: straight white people are the norm.

The voice of the non-norm person can be respected, but that person will be recognized as a special kind of normal (white) person. As long as they live/work/speak within the system, they will always be (especially to the majority of white people) thought of as a unique kind of white person. Maybe as a white person with additional features, the way an SUV might have an off-road or sport option package.

That predication is the construct that gives whiteness its intrinsic authority and privilege. That predication is totally artificial. This is the truth that, for me, seems like the beginning to seeing the world a different way. One cannot change or escape white privilege by changing a few habits. It is a change that has to happen in the mind first with the realization that this is not how God intended us to live. One may not be able to escape white privilege ever by act of will... you cant bend the spoon, thats impossible, instead try to realize the truth...there is no spoon.

CPWI Part 2

2007-03-31T11:15:00.001-05:00

032007 CPW 054
Originally uploaded by ajdele.

I did not end up going to the saturday protest that was organized by ANSWER. From what I heard about it I am not sorry. It sounded like an angry protest, with anger on both sides. This protest drew anti-protesters. I heard one man on NPR say that he was going to be there to make sure that the peace people did not deface the Vietnam War Memorial. How can peace be so mis-characterized? There were also people at Arlington National Cemetery with the same purpose.

I dont understand how peace can draw such vehement responses against it. I recently heard something else troubling on NPR.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=9083208

It seems a small town in MN had voted to support the creation of a department of peace and non-violence. Just check out the link, it is a crazy story that I cant even paraphrase

CPWI Reflection

2007-03-27T16:29:00.000-05:00

Many of you know that last week I was in Washington DC participating in the Christian Peace Witness for Iraq. It was quite an experience. In a way I feel that I cheated myself out of fully participating in the worship/march/protest by occupying myself with taking pictures. I was officially under the charge of McCormick to catch the event (and McCormick people) participating in it and that kept me busy.... I think that is another post.

This was my first protest. For the longest time I was ambivalent about protesting in general. I can see how it appears to be futile and fruitless. One of the first things my parents said to me after I got back was "We're still at war, it didn't work!" (Let the reader understand that my parents were supportive of my participation, or at least didnt condemn it) And they are right, it didnt work. As a matter of fact the car I was riding in had heard on NPR on the way in that President Bush was at Camp David this weekend. During the protest I also learned that he is commonly gone when major protests are planned. I guess we can feel good about that, we had caught someone's attention. Us or the ANSWER protest planned for the next day.

So then what is the point. I can see the value in protesting as part of the democratic process. I think many of us in the US take the nature of democracy for granted. Or at least forget to factor human laziness into it. In our representative democracy our elected officials are expected to vote and propose legislation that is in line with the will of the american people (or in our best interests...that is a whole other discussion). they are further expected to know via popular telepathy what the will of their constituency is. This is the sticky point, they cant know what we
are thinking unless we tell them. I find it rediculous to expect politicians to actively go find out what is best for their people when they have people with a lot of money behind them (lobbyists)
telling them what they should do. It is simply easier to take the information you are presented with rather than go do the hard work yourself (or pay a staffer to do it). Whatever we would like to believe elected people are not the morally superior people we want to think they are, they are normal people who have messed up lives like you and I. Into all this you also have to factor in potential gifts and bribery from interest groups and multiply it by the ridiculously low number of citizens who vote on a regular basis.

Within this system I see a protest movement simply as popular lobbying. We were taking our concerns direct to the government (in CPWI's case, we took them to God then to the government) in the best way we could. We didnt have large numbers of dollars behind us but we did have the time and talent of a lot of people. We can't give gifts to elected officials so we made a big noise to be noticed. Even if the movement voice is not heard it is voiced! One can only do so much to make sure one is heard, our primary responsibility (as people of privilege with a voice) is to use it and to speak.

As I say this I have to reiterate that this was my first protest. I have not used my voice responsibly. I have never called a congress- person's office or sent a personal letter. I have signed onto group emails that are made easy for me. I think I may have sent a custom message through one of those things... maybe, once. more and more I am feeling my place in the world: young adult, european american, middle class, male, computer savy. I have a responsibility to those who others in each of those demographics have screwed over to use my voice for their advancement and betterment.

CPWI was not the start of that for me but I think it was an important milestone. A biggish step. I think I will need to continue reflecting on what this means and what to do with it; Peace work, Christ's call to non-violence and real community, the middle class freedom to protest, how to live responsibly in privilege, and on and on and on...

asking for a change

2007-03-11T16:16:00.001-05:00

In 2004 the UK journal, the Lancet, estimated that one
hundred thousand people have been killed in Iraq due to the invasion
by foreign powers. This is not the only frightening number; death
counts are tabulated by the week and month for US troops and others.
I cant recall how many times I've heard in the news "In the deadliest
day/week/month of fighting so far…" It is disturbing to say the
least. If we are to believe the Lancet's estimate and project it
three more years till today that would mean as many as 400,000 Iraqis
may have been killed.
What are we to do think about this kind of
information? I am stupefied to think that such an astronomical
number of people may have been killed in four years' time. I
remember watching with a sense of un-reality as Coalition forces
bombed Iraq. The school I was attending at the time had set up a
large screen tuned to Fox News in the student center so we could all
watch the "news." Whether it was out of the same feeling of grim
importance that I was feeling about the moment or to show the grand
entrance of the "liberators" of the nation, I am not sure. Either
way, I saw those 500 lb "liberators" fall from the sky to bring
"freedom" to the people of Iraq. I am glad that I did not know then
what I know now. I cannot imagine watching with only a sick feeling
but probably also a good deal of rage, shame and impotence.
What can we do about this kind of information? You and
I are individuals and it seems that our opinion and desire for our
nation's foreign policy does not matter. Very few of us have the
power to make decisions but we all have the right to speak. This is
why I am going to DC for the Christian Peace Witness for Iraq. I am
compelled to do something positive to bring some right-ness to this
wrong and complicated situation. The things that the CPW is asking
for acknowledge how many-faceted the issue is. We are asking for
economic and foreign policy that is just for all involved and not
just the wealthy. We are asking our country to acknowledge the rights
of an occupying military force, to leave and heal the damage it has
done in a tangible way. We are asking for a change from torture to
compassion. We are asking our government to be accountable to the
soldiers who have served it in caring for the physical and mental
damage done to them. These are all things the US government can do
immediately to live up to the ideals that the United States has
always claimed. Those 400,000 who have died and the countless others
in Iraq who suffer the threat of violence need and deserve justice
and so much more. We as our government to help give it to them, as
justice would demand. We ask our government for justice but not for
peace. We ask God for peace. We ask our communities. We ask
ourselves. Peace is work that starts with people and moves out, it
is not the business of governments, I don't believe it ever has been.
I believe in this event because unlike other protests,
CPW is based in prayer and worship and community. We are making
requests of our government and President but we are also making a
simple statement: our hope for peace and security are not found in
our government's ability to intimidate other nations or its own
citizens but in the care and love of our God and in being the people
God has called us to be.

I hate Starbucks coffee

2007-02-27T16:31:00.000-06:00

I am finding that I don't like exceptionally strong coffee anymore.
I used to appreciate strong coffee. I used to love going to
Greyfriar's in Chattanooga. If you have any kind of affinity for
coffee shops or good coffee and you find yourself in Chattanooga you
have to go check this place out. They have four kinds of coffee
(with free refills), one is decaf the other three are usually from
different parts of the coffee producing world. Add to that free
wireless internet and a fair amount of seating. This is the best
coffee shop in the world. And I have been on the lookout.

Since moving to Hyde Park, nothing compares. The Third World Cafe on
53rd is ok, they have wireless available if you spend a certain
amount of money there, which I understand. I always made sure that I
bought a cup at GF's before using their internet. Medici has decent
coffee but no internet, I think they might be fair-trade. The
easiest place to find around here is Starbucks. I have been drinking
a lot of Starbucks lately. And this is what I attribute my recent
dislike. Starbucks is shit coffee. Im sure many of you wonder why I
would say such a thing "their frape is great" you might say. this is
true, their fancy fru-fru drinks are great but order a ordinary cup
of joe and tell me the same thing. when I order I usually hear a
slight gasp, as if to say "you actually drink this stuff?!" And yes,
unfortunately I do. Right now I am at Salonica on the corner of
Blackstone and 57th. No wireless, no coffee from around the world.
This is just a diner and they just have diner coffee. At the moment
I am extremely grateful.

Memories

2007-02-26T08:40:00.001-06:00

Gimp
Originally uploaded by ajdele.

I love this picture. You have to realize that first and most importantly it was local wrestling in a barn in north GA. I think I knew two people in the show and a couple in the audience. As I look back on it I realize that it was such a fantastic night. I can't even describe the joy at knowing that I was there for this monumental piece of history! I think if I am ever in north Georgia again for any amount of time I will have to go back and see this stuff again. It was like $5 to get in.

If this makes no sense to you whatsoever, you just had to be there to understand.

Individuals dont talk to each other

2007-02-06T16:58:00.001-06:00

I have noticed one of the marks of our individualist culture: the total lack of general greetings. There actually seems to an expectation that you will not greet people in general. This is more true in Chicago than anywhere else I have been. If you have no reason to have a relationship with someone, then the expectation is that your interaction will be purely business. There is sometimes not even space available to ask questions about the business, just do it and move along.

I see it every day scanning cards at the gym. People come up and look as uncomfortable as if they had just wet themselves if they have a question or are unsure of something. As if it is a social violation to not know, intuitively and intrinsically, how the membership system works. The same goes when I have been getting on the bus, shopping, at a coffee shop...it can pop up anywhere.

This is just odd to me. Especially hearing some of Julie's accounts of Ghana where greetings are a ubiquitous part of normal interaction. From her descriptions you didnt need to know all that much of the language to get along, if you could get the greetings down then you were "in." Here it seems that if you can get the non-greeting down then you're "in" but I wonder exactly where it is you have gotten yourself into. Wherever it is everyone else there will be donning nothing more than staring down at there feet, encased in their own private bubble and maybe listening to an ipod with those oh-so-trendy white ear buds.

Raw math in action

2007-02-06T12:36:00.001-06:00

Swirlies
Originally uploaded by ajdele.

I have the screensaver that downloads different algorithms and turns them into this crazy organic looking lightshow. I think its really cool.

It makes me think that all of life is mathematical but its too complicated for us to grasp right now.

Vagina Talk Practice

2007-02-06T12:24:00.001-06:00

020107 VMpractice1 025
Originally uploaded by ajdele.

...from the practices for the Vagina Monologues being perfromed at McCormick later this month. Its funny that sometimes several people do a "monologue." Wouldnt that make it duo-logue or a tri-logue? Maybe its still a monologue because the readers don't interact with each other but all speak in the same "voice."

Flickr

2007-02-06T12:21:00.001-06:00

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

Brief thoughts

2007-02-05T21:15:00.001-06:00

I have felt for a bit that I need to make a post but I cant narrow it down to what. I always have several things floating around in my head. Job search hasnt changed, well it has stalled. I have another shift and am starting to get involved in some other things as well.

One of those is helping with the planning for the Christian Peace Witness for Iraq. There should be a badge appearing on this page in the next couple days with a link to the official website. Its gonna be pretty crazy. We are hoping for thousands of Christians to participate in DC and more around the country at local worship services. On the four year anniversary of the war it has to be clear that this is not the will of the majority of the country. I really believe that. For those who don't openly oppose the war I can only believe that they don't really know what is going on. I don't think it was just "blood for oil," that is too simplistic. I also don't believe those in charge really thought enforcing democracy would (or will) work in that part of the world. They have to want it , see the value of it and be willing to work for it. I greatly doubt the whole thing was really explained to any Iraqi.

Most disgusting now is that this war, in which many people die daily, is becoming a political tool to change the balance of party power. What are they thinking? Oh yeah, thats right, that the lives of real Iraqi people are not worth as much as one more democratic senator holding office.

Part time jobs

2007-01-27T00:06:00.000-06:00

Looks like the job situation is changing slightly. For the rest of
the quarter I have picked up two more shifts, putting me at a wopping
15.5 hours per week. While this is not as much as I would like to
have I think its too much to easily get out of if I got a full time
job even on a temp basis. I may give up the job search for a couple
of weeks until the end of the quarter is nearing and try to find a
better temporary position at that point. There is also the
possibility of picking up another part time job locally to fill in
some of the gap.

Wedding Weekend

2007-01-21T01:05:00.001-06:00

Today my friend JJ got married. I was in the wedding so I wasnt able
to take many pictures. You will have to check my flickr page in a
few days as I will be putting some up. I think this is almost the
last wedding I will be going to except my own. Two friends of ours
are getting married at camp the weekend before we are. Man the times
are changing. It is that time when it seems all my friends are
getting married. Its just that time of life. It is really sad and a
little scary that also many of them are having trouble and some are
divorcing who have been married for only a few years (or less!).
When we were at Lee we heard that the divorce rate for people who get
married right out of school (or while still in school) is 50%. I can
think of a few couples that I know right now who are no longer
couples. I hope that statistic changes.

This makes me want to know what the problem is. The people that I
know who have married and divorced are not those who got married
frivolously. When I think of the decline of the institution of
marriage the classic example that comes to mind is hollywood
marriages that fall apart after a couple months. These are not
hollywood people that I am thinking of. They believed in what they
were doing. Maybe too much. I think unrealistic expectations can be
part of it. But what expectations are unrealistic? I think
expecting all your problems to go away after you get married is
unrealistic and illogical. What else do people expect?

I wonder because I really dont want to not be married to Julie. In
fact I really want to be married to Julie. A lot. For a long time,
just about as long as we both shall live. Maybe I dont know what Im
getting into. I want to put in the work on the front end to set up
structures and practices and habits that will be helpful for each other.

JJ's wedding was very nice and classy and well produced. It was big,
there were a lot of people, I dont know how many. We were a big
party; filling the stage. It seemed to fit with JJ and Jeana. Julie
and I will be much lower key I think, not as much production. That
will fit with us. But of course the ceremony is more the realm of
pastors and soon to be pastors to put together.

Better Days

2006-12-24T22:15:00.000-06:00

"You ask me what I want this year
and I try to make this kind and clear,
just the chance that maybe we'll find better days....."

More than ever this is how I feel about Christmas right now. The world is changing and every day changes my world more and more. The things that I used to love about Christmas have been replaced. Instead of the things that are under the tree I find myself valuing and preferring the people that put them there.

"So take these words and sing out loud,
'cause everyone's forgiven now,
tonights the night that the world begins again...."

We have to realize that the Kingdom of God is not something that is coming in the future but something that is among us right now. It exists in each person and in the connection between each person and community. It is power, such power. Every interaction you have with another person can be used for evil or good, can bring about evil or good. You can convey openness or closed-ness in every look. Even salvation itself. Christ offers it in bread and wine, simple things that are not saving in themselves but can lead to Life. I see this around me sometimes and am awed by it.

"I wish everyone was loved tonight
and somehow stop this endless fight,
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days"

I come back to it again and again, the wisest thing I have ever heard is that I am responsible for the righteousness of everyone in the world. My actions, thoughts, words, desires, dreams affect those of the people I interact with, their lives in turn affect the people around them. Our lives are interconnected ripples across the whole world. We are all connected. We are all One. The Kingdom of God.

I pray for the those in the world who have been crushed and silenced. For the victims of continued war in Iraq, Somalia, Columbia, Darfur, Afghanistan, Palestine and others that I do not know of. I pray for those in our own country that are legally exploited in order to make the rest of us rich and able to have such beautiful Christmas celebrations, that their many sacrifices are not forgotten and may even be redeemed by the Grace of God. I pray for those who are incarcerated and forgotten at Christmas, they are still human and in great need of real love. I pray that everyone can the thankful for something this Christmas and know that they have the power to make better days.

Merry Christmas!

Anyone seen a spare soul around, I seem to have misplaced mine

2006-11-27T22:59:00.000-06:00

It seems that other segments of my life have not been filled with the
volume of struggle and confusion that I feel right now. I wonder why
that is. Maybe I'm being melodramatic. When I was leaving Lee I
seemed to remember being much more relaxed about the whole job search
and working thing. I went to camp. At camp there was some working
out to be done but it came with less stress, or so I remember now.

I feel weak that I cannot take the direction of my life in my hands
with authority and direct it where I would will. That very well may
prove to to be a faulty vision of manhood. I dont know (and I think
Scripture echos this as well) that it is not for people to direct
their own paths. Even taking that concept into my hands with
authority would seem to feel good.

But what am I trying to claim, is it not a paradox? God promises
good things to us and seems to not necessarily follow through. God
asks us to believe that God is good and trustworthy regardless. What
does that add up to? I dont know where I am going with this....

Maybe it would make sense to spend some time looking back in order to
look forward. I have said before that I believe God works out lives
into a pattern that can be discerned looking back, forward is hard
because you never know what new threads will be woven in.

I have spent the last two years not pushing myself to grow, not being
stimulated to pursue God. I had accepted comfort. I was making a
lot of money (for a single guy) and had just about anything I wanted
including travel to see Julie and others whenever I could. It was a
pretty easy life, not without sacrifices. I dont know how to phrase
what I feel the sacrifice was.... I was made into a cog in the state
machine, it treated employees the same as clients. My
individuality .... thats it, individuality. My passions, desires,
and interests did not fit into the narrow space that the state
allowed so they had to be sacrificed during working time.
Unfortunately working time did not end when I left the office. If
followed me home and sometimes would follow me into my dreams. There
was no space for individuals in the state, and little tolerance for
humanity.

Now I am forced to rekindle my individualness all at once. This is
intimidating. I am discovering that I am valuable as a human being,
as a man. My voice has something to say and my perspective is
unique. I did not even notice when I had thrown that aside to only
speak for children and their value and needs. I find it strange when
people want to listen to what I have to say about myself. I seem to
remember having things that I wanted to do with my life before
working at DFCS. I seem to remember getting excited about more ideas
and causes.

It may be necessary to study theology again, if only to reclaim my soul.

Building time

2006-11-20T22:40:00.000-06:00

Found out today that I was turned down by another company after
interviewing. They had given me strong signals and openly told me
that they liked me for the job but today decided to choose another
candidate. Of course with the standard well wishes and certainty
that I would be successful with my career. I wish I shared their
certainty right now. I trust God that things will work out. My
parents are very supportive of me, if I need help they will give it.
Julie is very supportive of me as well in any way that she is able.

I dont know what to do. I wonder what I have missed? Where were the
signals that I should have followed? What avenue should I pursue?
If anyone knows, please let me know. I pray that God will give me
some indication of the direction I should go. Of course it is
possible that I am where I need to be. I know there are lessons that
can only be learned in hard experience. More than gaining sympathy
for those who are unemployed, this is changing me and it is hard. I
dont like not being able to support myself. I have a continual
feeling of discomfort in the back of my mind when I am aware of being
unemployed. It is a little more than three months now.

Julie is encouraging me to get involved with organizations that I
would like to be involved with as a volunteer. I have a hard time
considering this in my present situation. When I was a student I was
sustained by the good graces of my parents, grandmother and the US
government. At that time I did not need to sustain myself per se and
considered my studies and other self-building activities to be my
job. That time has passed, it may come again, but now is the time
when I need to sustain myself and I am not doing it. Maybe I need to
change my outlook to see this as a building time. The two are never
fully separated, there was building when I was working for DFCS but
there was mostly doing. Study time had a lot of building and a
little doing. Right now I need doing (and income) but there is only
the opportunity for building.

path or Path?

2006-11-15T16:09:00.000-06:00

I have been doing a lot of thinking about purpose and calling.
Particularly my purpose and calling and other such things. right now
is a transition from what was a potential career back into the tumult
of having a broad path before me to walk.

The path is broad because I could go any number of directions. I
know that with almost anything I want to do with my life I will need
more education. My BA is good for not much when it comes to the job
world it seems. Maybe it was north-south difference. I can see that
a degree in Theology would be more respectable in the Bible-belt than
in the frigid secular north of Chicago. At the very least it is a
stretch as a human services degree and has not helped me get a job in
that field. so I am forced to concede that my experience is
apparently not enough here. If I determine that the best thing is to
go into social services in a serious manner I will need an MSW in
order to do it. There are other options as well. I could go back to
engineering, or study photography. Either of these would mean
another bachelor's degree. I could study theology again as well. I
am hesitant to do this as I do not intend to go into parish
ministry. In other words, if I did get a degree in theology I would
not be meaning to directly use the title of that degree to help me
get a job. This is and isn't a problem. I trust that I am in God's
service and that God would like me to maintain so. Therefore I have
an ally as I try to negotiate the broad path in order to find the Path.

Options lay before me. I do not feel that I will commit a great sin
by going any direction in particular. I know myself well enough to
know that I will make a careful decision. I have already invested a
great deal of thought and prayer and discussion into the question.
If there is any risk along these lines it is that I will make a
decision that has been weighed too carefully so as to loose the
forest for the trees.

Change?

2006-11-13T22:01:00.000-06:00

It seems that the world (at least the middle east) is optimistic
about the change after last week's election. I just got back from
exercising and watching CNN. They were interviewing people in Iraq
and Iran that have some hope now that the legislature is democratic.
One man from Iran said something to the effect that he feels there is
hope because the republican war agenda will have some opposition in
the US. I don't know that I have as much faith in the democratic
party as they do.

Hope for Peace?

2006-11-09T14:43:00.000-06:00

I struggle with what to do with the things I have seen and heard about our government. Right now I am in the process of watching a long movie about the current peace movement in the US. Its a long movie and I have had to split it into three parts so far, I hope to finish it tomorrow. Reliably these kinds of movies make me angry (maybe frustrated would be a better word) at the blatant disregard for life that governments seem to display for the people that are in the way of money.

Collateral damage is not a term that should ever be applied to people. As far as I can figure it means that the military goal is more important that the people who are destroyed in the process of trying to accomplish it. What goal can be that important? I have not been convinced of its importance and I consider myself pretty well informed. I try to listen to a broad range of opinions an sources of information about the world around me. I regularly listen to the Presidents podcast alongside of Uprising and Democracy Now. One might ask, and I think it would be the presidents stance, that I dont really need to understand. After all I am just a simple civilian and these kinds of decisions, like the value of massive military operations, ought to be left to those who are most qualified to make them. Fair enough. But if I recall this is a government of, for and by the people. Im one of the people! I think every one of the reasons for the war that we were given up front has fallen through. Most notably, the weapons of mass destruction. Sure didnt find any of that there. But even the claim that the occupying force would be liberating the country from a dictator rings a bit hollow with such continued violence. I dont think it is as simple as removing one man from power to cure all the ills of that part of the country, obviously this has not occurred.

It also feels too simplistic to blame all the problems with the war or the event of the war at all on one man. I find it hard to believe that George Bush is the mastermind behind the entire war and money making machine that it has been. If it were just him then he would have to be a super-genius to have pulled the wool over everyone's eyes. It has to be the entire US governmental structure that needs to be examined. how is it that we can have our priorities so askew. It really troubles me.

The most troubling thing though is what to do about it. Protesting doesnt seem like enough. Even though the peace movement is potentially the largest and most grass-roots movement that has existed in the recent history of this country, the war continues. There are rumors and the beginnings of organizing a massive massive action in DC on the anniversary of the war next year, I plan to be there. With my camera. I pray for wisdom for all who would risk themselves to give hope to those crushed in the machine. I pray for the boldness to be one of those people who would so risk.

If you dont know what im talking about check some of these out and see what they tell you:

The Peace DVD
Why We Fight
A People's History of the United States, Howard Zinn
Democracy Now
Uprising Radio

Keep going

2006-11-01T20:18:00.000-06:00

Keep going
Originally uploaded by ajdele.

Still no job

2006-11-01T18:56:00.000-06:00

I still am without employment. I had not thought it would be this hard to get a job. I do not feel that I am being all that picky. I have been applying and sending resumes to jobs that I would like to do. I can hear my dad saying, well maybe you'll have to do something you dont really want to do, you need a job. And yes of course that is the obvious implication. But its not like I had turned down any offers or had even passed by all that many opportunities to submit a resume. I guess maybe it would be more accurate to say that I had applied to everything I could see myself doing. some things have been excluded from this so far; waitering, retail. I have a four year degree and two years of very hard professional experience! how the flying fuck does that make me qualified to pilot a register?

I dont know where to go. I have signed up with two temp agencies. no call back yet. I have followed every lead I can think of. Julie is great right now. She continues to encourage me. She wants me to go to organizations that I am interested in or that I would like to work with and just talk with them about what they do to see if I can volunteer with them. I have a hard time doing that when every day puts me closer to when I am going to run out of money. I know that God is with me here, I know that I am in the right place. But what the hell is God doing? I dont understand what is going on.

Most people that I talk to who know what is going on with me, which is most of the community now, will ask if I have found a job yet. They are very sympathetic and I try not to react poorly. I am learning how to do that. It is sometimes hard living among a community of pastors who are learning to console and counsel people who are going through hard times. I can tell when most people go into a professional kind of mode. you can see the change in their face from talking to you just to talk to you to doing something that they have been trained to do. I wouldnt want to say that this is a bad change but just one I have noticed. But none of them have been able to do what I want them to do, which is find a solution.

Growl

2006-11-01T18:54:00.000-06:00

Growl
Originally uploaded by ajdele.

my roommate Katie

First Post

2006-10-27T11:56:00.000-05:00

This is my new blog! I wanted to keep the other one around as I may need a place to complain about my next job. Plus I think the title was one of my more creative and appropriate ideas ever. While it doesnt really fit anymore I didnt want to kill it.

I had wanted this new one to be a bit more general and about my life. A lot of changes going on now and in the near future. I still feel like I am very new to Chicago, still dont have a job here, still getting marriend in a bunch of months. As if that wasnt enough I am still dealing with living near Julie for the first time ever. Its really better than I had imagined. There are times when despair over slowly spending all my money away and not making any more and trying to figure out my job and rebuilding my life here and trying to find my place in a new community all get to be too much for me. But spending time with her reminds me why I put myself in that place and I see that it is definitly worth it.