interviewing. They had given me strong signals and openly told me
that they liked me for the job but today decided to choose another
candidate. Of course with the standard well wishes and certainty
that I would be successful with my career. I wish I shared their
certainty right now. I trust God that things will work out. My
parents are very supportive of me, if I need help they will give it.
Julie is very supportive of me as well in any way that she is able.
I dont know what to do. I wonder what I have missed? Where were the
signals that I should have followed? What avenue should I pursue?
If anyone knows, please let me know. I pray that God will give me
some indication of the direction I should go. Of course it is
possible that I am where I need to be. I know there are lessons that
can only be learned in hard experience. More than gaining sympathy
for those who are unemployed, this is changing me and it is hard. I
dont like not being able to support myself. I have a continual
feeling of discomfort in the back of my mind when I am aware of being
unemployed. It is a little more than three months now.
Julie is encouraging me to get involved with organizations that I
would like to be involved with as a volunteer. I have a hard time
considering this in my present situation. When I was a student I was
sustained by the good graces of my parents, grandmother and the US
government. At that time I did not need to sustain myself per se and
considered my studies and other self-building activities to be my
job. That time has passed, it may come again, but now is the time
when I need to sustain myself and I am not doing it. Maybe I need to
change my outlook to see this as a building time. The two are never
fully separated, there was building when I was working for DFCS but
there was mostly doing. Study time had a lot of building and a
little doing. Right now I need doing (and income) but there is only
the opportunity for building.
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